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Lisa/Colin I don't have a life ...I'm always here!
Joined: 13 Jan 2008 Posts: 1494 Location: Cumbernauld
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Posted: Tue Jan 06, 2009 5:12 pm Post subject: How to prepare Hek for Ollie going |
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After reading that other thread about the dog taking the teddy everywhere after the death of its companion I was wondering if there was anything I could be doing to 'prepare' Hektor for Ollie's inevitable passing.
Old Ollie had a couple of bad days the last few weeks, I really thought I was taking him to the Vet on 30th Dec, but he rallied, and fingers crossed we will get a few more weeks. At the moment he is not suffering but as soon as I think he is, that will be the time.
Hektor is VERY attached to Ollie, but other than taking Ollie away now and again without Hektor (Hek whimpers and cries at the door) not sure if there is anything else. |
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Janis I don't have a life ...I'm always here!
Joined: 18 Apr 2007 Posts: 4643 Location: CUMBERNAULD
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Posted: Tue Jan 06, 2009 5:28 pm Post subject: |
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maybe you could try leaving ollies blanket with his smell in on around hector's bed............but i do think the more you start to separate them now the better! _________________ Cockapoo's...a little of this, a little of that..........
the perfect combination!
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Dan McK I don't have a life ...I'm always here!
Joined: 11 Oct 2007 Posts: 760 Location: Cumbernauld
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Posted: Tue Jan 06, 2009 5:40 pm Post subject: |
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Unsure about this, but is there ANY way to prepare for death?
When the end is expected it is still hard for a human, who can prepare and reason, to deal with it. If the dogs are attached how can you dis-attach them? Hektor will grieve his own way, and get over it in his own time.
My only regret when both Awnie then Towsie died was that the other dog at the time (Towsie when Awnie passed, then Tess when it was Towsie's time) didnt see the bodies, as they where jagged in the vets. I might be putting human emotions to it, but I would have liked to give them the chance to say goodbye.
God, I'm depressed now!!!!! _________________ Parsons Russell fanatic |
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Janis I don't have a life ...I'm always here!
Joined: 18 Apr 2007 Posts: 4643 Location: CUMBERNAULD
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Posted: Tue Jan 06, 2009 6:38 pm Post subject: |
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there is something in that dan.....i have a couple of friends who have and still have horses and when a horse or pony dies they tend to leave it in the field for a day or so as the companion horse/pony can sniff and come to terms!
i think there must be something to it!...........i also think if you have more than two it would be less stressful as they still have someone! _________________ Cockapoo's...a little of this, a little of that..........
the perfect combination!
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Jack I don't have a life ...I'm always here!
Joined: 12 Aug 2008 Posts: 2595 Location: Durham
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Posted: Tue Jan 06, 2009 7:53 pm Post subject: |
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Sorry but I think I'm going to buck the trend here (and put human emotions to it) Lisa.....I would HONESTLY change NOTHING. The more normal things appear to be and the more enjoyment Hek gets from Ollie's company for however long he lasts the better in my opinion. If Ollie goes downhill anyway you can be damned sure Hek will sense it and his behaviour will change - if you seperate them at this time Hek would probably resent it and show that resentment to you or become very very fretful - as will Ollie and that won't help him at all. Animals just KNOW when something is wrong - Hek probably already does so let them BOTH benefit (because you can be sure Hek's presence is a constant source of comfort and enjoyment to Ollie) from spending as much time together as they can.
I did this when my Mitzi was close to passing and Sykes KNEW she was going. Sykes went to Mitzi more to comfort her in her final weeks and days and it helped them both. It helped me too because I knew he was watching out for her and would alert me to anything I might otherwise miss ( as IF - I watched that old girl like a hawk I SO didn't want her to go ). Mitzi always rallied or tried to when Sykes was with her. She passed away in bed at home so Sykes did get to see her one last time but I actually think in some ways that was worse as he tried so hard to rally her, kissing her eyes to try and make her open them.....OG such painful memories I have to stop now, I didn't mean to bring anyone down and I'm now blubbing like a baby.
Sorry Lisa, I meant to help not depress, I hope it is of some use to you.xxxxxxx _________________ Staffies are my life! Visit us at www.staffies.co.uk |
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Jim & Geraldine Site Addict
Joined: 20 May 2007 Posts: 734 Location: Baillieston
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Posted: Tue Jan 06, 2009 10:45 pm Post subject: |
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Jack that is so sad. I am having a wee cry here.
Geraldine |
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Jack I don't have a life ...I'm always here!
Joined: 12 Aug 2008 Posts: 2595 Location: Durham
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Posted: Tue Jan 06, 2009 11:56 pm Post subject: |
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Sorry Geraldine, I meant to help I didn't mean to make anyone sad. I just tried to be honest about what happened to us. It's 7 years ago now this February but can be so raw it actually caught me by surprise when I was typing and I just couldn't type anymore. Crying again now but if what I shared helps anyone at all the tears will have been worth it. My Mitzi was a complete little darling (complete cowbag and worse when she was shredding the house) but I adored her and if she were here she'd be helping herself too - she was MY little Daddy - nothing like him in looks but so gentle and calm in nature with other animals and a Tasmanian devil full of fun the next. All of the wonderful memories I have of her make the pain of losing her almost worthwhile _________________ Staffies are my life! Visit us at www.staffies.co.uk |
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Gaelle I don't have a life ...I'm always here!
Joined: 03 Dec 2007 Posts: 1070 Location: Cumbernauld
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Posted: Wed Jan 07, 2009 10:05 am Post subject: |
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Jim & Geraldine wrote: |
Jack that is so sad. I am having a wee cry here.
Geraldine |
You and me both.
Mind you it WAS last year at this time Rosie started to become so ill so I'm probably a bit sensitive anyway. _________________ Happiness is watching my dog chase leaves dancing in the breeze. |
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Lisa/Colin I don't have a life ...I'm always here!
Joined: 13 Jan 2008 Posts: 1494 Location: Cumbernauld
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Posted: Wed Jan 07, 2009 11:30 am Post subject: |
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Thanks
I think I will just go with the flow then. Sorry to start everyone off but just wondered if there was anything extra i could be doing. When my last dog been had to be PTS Ollie just moped about for a couple of days then got back to normal but he wasnt nearly so close with him as Hek is with Ollie.
In a way it would be better if he passed away at home instead of the Vets, it would give Hektor a chance to say goodbye...oh God, I'm off blubbing now...
Lisa |
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Jack I don't have a life ...I'm always here!
Joined: 12 Aug 2008 Posts: 2595 Location: Durham
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Posted: Wed Jan 07, 2009 12:24 pm Post subject: |
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Oh Lisa - BIG cuddles - what you are facing is horrible but whatever you do Hek won't understand what is about to happen .....until his instincts tell him.
Go with the flow and just deal with things as best you can - if there's anything you are concerned about or would like a little support with then just shout and we'll all do what we can.xxxxxxxx _________________ Staffies are my life! Visit us at www.staffies.co.uk |
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kirsty I don't have a life ...I'm always here!
Joined: 30 May 2007 Posts: 2712 Location: Cumbernauld
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Posted: Wed Jan 07, 2009 2:31 pm Post subject: |
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Jack, that is heartwrenching. I too have tears in my eyes.
I agree with the others, it is best if the other pet can see that their housemate has passed away. If you take a pet to the vets for that last visit, the one that remains spends a long time looking for the missing one and wondering where they have gone. I have experienced this.
If they see that the dog has passed on there is an immediate acceptance.
When either of mine have to go I will bring the vet into the house and leave the body overnight if I am allowed to let it pan out that way.
_________________ "In a perfect world, every dog would have a home and every home would have a dog." |
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Jack I don't have a life ...I'm always here!
Joined: 12 Aug 2008 Posts: 2595 Location: Durham
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Posted: Wed Jan 07, 2009 6:43 pm Post subject: |
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Sorry Kirsty I just tried to be honest and ended up upsetting everyone - me included!!! The truth of the matter is that no matter how prepared you THINK you are and how prepared you THINK you are helping your other pet(s) to be it will STILL hit you like a sledgehammer when it happens. There's nothing you CAN do but go with the flow. In my case I was devastated even though I KNEW it was coming (had known for 2 years while I nursed her through the varying stages of Cushings including giving her her chemo). I think the fact that she passed at home helped Sykes hugely but I was a mess when we took her little body to the vets to arrange for her cremation. Leaving her there just felt wrong and was the hardest thing I had ever done but I didn't want her buried as we were planning on moving house and I didn't want to leave her behind We have her ashes, along with all the other beautiful pets we have loved and lost and when our time comes we too will be cremated - God this is maudlin but you'll love this next bit we have written our wills and part of the instruction is that we ALL get mixed together and scattered somewhere - we don't care where, so long as we all end up together - by the time we go we'll need a blinking Dumpy truck to transport all those ashes for the pets we could inevitably leave behind we have also a clause in our wills that means they will be looked after until the end of THEIR days before anyone else gets a bean
Hope I've ended by giving you all a little smile at me and my absolute obsession after all the sadness _________________ Staffies are my life! Visit us at www.staffies.co.uk |
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Craig/Tracy Site Addict
Joined: 26 Oct 2008 Posts: 660 Location: Glasgow
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Posted: Wed Jan 07, 2009 6:53 pm Post subject: |
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oh jack that was so so sad, losing a dog is very painful to deal with as i grew up with max (german shepherd) for sixteen years and nothing can prepare you for that heartbreak that follows when they eventually pass on
lisa,very sorry to hear this and i know your heart will be breaking also but jack is right dogs are so intelligent that hector will sense what is going on but he will still grieve in his own way when it happens
omg my eyes are watering now |
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Jack I don't have a life ...I'm always here!
Joined: 12 Aug 2008 Posts: 2595 Location: Durham
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Posted: Wed Jan 07, 2009 7:05 pm Post subject: |
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Oh noooooo Tracy - I shared my madness with you at the end to lift spirits a tad!!! But HUGE cuddles to you & sympathies for your loss.xxx
No more sadness - I had a good old blub and am now back to remembering my girl with HUGE affection and smiles. She suffered a lot, more than I am happy with myself for allowing and that was more for my benefit than hers (but I know better now, have forgiven myself and will NEVER allow that to happen again) so it was a release for her and bluntly, one for me too. For the last few months of her life she used to get very restless and very incontinent which meant that I never had more than a few hours sleep at a time. So please no more tears....not just yet
Lisa.........I know this is an incredibly painful time for you but I would just like to advise you to make the most of every second Ollie has to share with you - don't be down and maudlin because he'll pick up on it be as positive and happy as you can. Make him as happy and comfortable as you can - that way you'll ALL benefit and you'll have no regrets. The time to mourn is when they pass - not before (fine one to talk me - I was down a lot while Mitzi was ill but I did TRY) so pass on some kisses from me to him and treasure what time you have. When the time comes we'll all be here to support and advise if you want or need it.xxxxxxx _________________ Staffies are my life! Visit us at www.staffies.co.uk |
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kirsty I don't have a life ...I'm always here!
Joined: 30 May 2007 Posts: 2712 Location: Cumbernauld
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Posted: Wed Jan 07, 2009 10:19 pm Post subject: |
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What lovely provisions to have made jack. i like the mixed ashes idea _________________ "In a perfect world, every dog would have a home and every home would have a dog." |
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